Don't Blink

All these First Day of School pictures have me remembering Honey Bunny's first day of Kindergarden, 11 years ago! I swear time has flown by since then. I must have blinked.

I was a single mom, at a new job for only 6 weeks, and couldn't bring her to school.  I was devastated! My Dad brought her and took pictures for me.  I have one of her coloring an apple, sitting at a desk with her name on it, wearing a purple dress.

Her lovey isn't in her lap. She isn't smiling. She is dutifully following directions, scared and alone.  It wasn't the life I wanted for her.  It was the life I was given when I chose to leave her abusive father and it was better than that one.


For 7 years we lived this daily process:
Wake up at 6
My Shower/Dress/Breakfast
Bus at 7
Drive to work.
She went to before school care.
I drove to work.
She went to school.
I worked.
She went to after school care.
I worked.
I picked her up at 6pm.
Went home.
Made dinner while she did homework.
7pm - Her Shower/I worked more at home
8pm - Snuggles/Sleep (I usually cried myself to sleep because I missed her so much during the day)
Repeat
Me? Work until 11pm or so. Then sleep.

But Friday nights were different! Friday nights were our Date Night. I would make a pizza and some popcorn and we'd settle into our big feather sofa to watch a night of Disney Cartoons.  Kim Possible was a favorite and she had a dance to the theme song. There was the Proud Family where we laughed at the poodle and talked about how family life and she wondered what it was like to have a Dad. There was That's So Raven where we both pretended to have superpowers and see into the future. Oh Snap!

 You will miss out on not only how fast they grow and how fast time goes, but also on the nuances that life shows us with our children. I missed them while she was in public school and I was working full time.

Here is what I would write to the younger Momma Mary and I hope she'd listen to me:


Dear Momma,

Don't blink. Your lack of sleepless nights is NOT over when they hit their teens. I think you're more tired because you're older at this point. Watch them while they sleep, regardless of the age. If you are awake and they are asleep, go listen to their breathing. Go see how their face changed today. Don't miss that nuance. It's important. They notice it. You should, too.

Don't blink.  You will have many opportunities to do the dishes, do the laundry and clean the floors. You only have RIGHT NOW to make the memory they are asking you to make with them. Go for it. The rest can wait. If you don't, you will miss out on the opportunity as they will stop asking you to play and participate in their life. Don't miss the nuances of how they play. It evolves rapidly.

Don't blink. Before you know it, they will be sleeping in their own beds and you are going to miss the crazy nights where you swore they were octopuses and had 8 arms and legs to stretch out all over the bed and yourself. Your bed will feel cold and lonely. Snuggle in deeper for now and take in their scent. That, too, changes over time. Take the time to notice that nuance (but at ages 9-12, bring them deodorant and apply in their sleep for your nose safety).

Don't blink. Take lots of pictures so you can see how their faces and bodies change from day to day. The changes that happen in life are slow in making. Don't think they come in only super size portions and quickly, like that Big Mac you ordered and went straight to your hips! A tooth coming out, another coming in. A new zit. A new passion for the time being. Notice the nuance of them.

Don't blink. This season will pass all too quickly. From infant, to baby, to toddler, to child, to pre-teen, to teen to adult.

Believe it or not, you only have 936 Friday nights over 18 years and chances are the last 156 Friday's will want to be spent with their friends. That's less than 800 Friday's to make memories, play games, watch movies and make bonds that tie us together forever.

What are you going to do with your 800 Friday nights?

Keep calm but don't blink. They go really fast.

Love forever and always-
Your Future Self