What Do I Do?
I love that people take the risk and ask these questions and others are able to help them (you're waiting for the but here, I can feel it...) yet, I wonder why they can't answer these questions inside themselves if they would just be still with themselves for a moment.
Somehow, people seem to think Unschooling is about unparenting. It's not. Unschooling isn't about having no boundaries. It's not about not having respect for others in the home. It's not about having a free-for-all all over your house/your food/you fill in the blank...unless you want it to be and allow it.
We have a monthly budget for food, medical, clothing, etc. When we were living on food stamps, the kids learned not to waste food. If they ate all the food in one day, they didn't have the treats for the rest of the month. It simply wasn't there. I couldn't go out and repurchase the food. The money was gone. The item was gone. Plain and simple. There was no punishment enforced by the adults. There was no shaming. There was no blaming. There WERE discussions about sharing, about budgeting our food and about respecting others wants in the home.
Our youngest was 5 when that journey began and 7 when it ended. We sat her and the then 14 year old down and explained our budget to them. We brought them INTO our world. Hubby was flabbergasted. "Oh my! Children should never know what happens with the money and how much we have!" Um, excuse me..how are we supposed to get their respect about how little we have if we don't explain and share the information?
I showed Honey Bunny how to create pie charts and showed Boo Bear how to read them. We took this opportunity to learn how to use a spreadsheet and input numbers and spit out charts on everything from our income to our debts, from how many carrots we had and how long they had to last over how many meals and snack to how many packs of Annie's Gummy Bunnies we had and how long we wanted them to last.
Guess what happened because we brought our children into our world rather than shame them? Not only did they learn spreadsheet skills which were kinda cool (pivot tables and pie charts) but they also learned the VALUE of what we ate and were able to budget their own eating against it. The shortages stopped after that. They then asked if anyone else would like something they were about to eat and/or finish.
We are now 8 months out of that crisis and my kids are respectful about food. They don't waste it and get upset if they have a friend that does. All scraps which are usable (untouched) to go into a ziplock bag in the freezer for soup when it's full. Most containers for shelf stable things get turned into art projects and up-cycled to reduce our trash bill.
I didn't let our kids go crazy on my $50 a week budget while eating a Celiac gluten free diet. That would be absurd. I am still the adult and the one who makes the ultimate decisions. Yesterday, I was at Aldi's and my food budget for the week was $100. I had a pretty full house of groceries, so when Boo Bear asked if we could get GF ravioli and pizza and pepperoni pizza pockets, I could say yes. I bought $55 worth of pre-made "crap" and guess what? It was NOT expected. Boo Bear was so excited at the extra treats she came home and proudly told Honey Bunny that she added up the 11 items and each was $5, so Mom spent over half her budget on pre-made GF food as a surprise to everyone and they must be smart with it and not eat it all in one week.
I also don't let my kids trash the house. We all live here. They may like living in a mess, but I don't. I respect their need to be creative and they respect my need to contain the mess. When doing beading, they work on cafeteria style trays. Not only does it keep their beads from rolling away, it contains the clean up. When painting, the same thing. I ask they clean up as they go when possible. Boo Bear gets easily over whelmed when there is too much to clean up and then does nothing.
It was really bad about 3 weeks ago. I was frustrated. I felt imprisoned to picking up after them and not being able to join in on what they wanted me to do because I was constantly picking up after them. I'm not neurotic, mind you, we have a 4 month old puppy that will eat/chew/mouth anything he can get his mouth on and that can be dangerous! Fluff left out and on the floor, beads around, bottles of paint, bottles of nail polish, etc. can all damage Major (and my vet budget!).
Once I calmed my inner bitch down, the next time Boo Bear asked me to do something with her, I simply replied: "Honey, I can't right now. I'm busy cleaning up after your last project. If you help me, I can get there faster. I'd really appreciate the help because I'd love to see what you've been up to and share it with you." You guessed it, she came right over to help. She wanted my attention. I wanted to be there for her. Together, we were able to pick up her latest crafting adventure and go off to do something else without fear of the puppy getting hurt. I asked for her help in a respectful tone, as I would my friend or my husband.
Reader, do not get lost in the minutia of unschooling and questioning every move you make. Understand that if it feels wrong for you, it is wrong for you. It feels wrong for me to do the clean up all by myself. For Sandra Dodd, a large figure in the unschooling world, she feels it is her gift to her family and happily picks up after them. Neither is wrong.
Do what feels right for you and your family. Be still with yourself for a moment. Feel what you are feeling. Ask yourself what would feel right...then act on it in a gentle manner.
Doing what feels right will always lead to doing the right thing.
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