My 7 Year Old Can't Read & I'm NOT Worried
Yes, you read that right dear reader. My 7 year old cannot read. I am not worried. Why am I not worried? Quite simply, because when she is ready to decode it, she will. Here is some background on our family.
Maternal Grandmother: Dyslexia and 9 other Learning Differences. Learned to read at 12 & went to college with a 7th grade education. Graduated Summa Cum Laude from Columbia University with a triple major done in 1 year
Maternal Grandfather: Undiagnosed Learning Difference - but see them readily in him. Voted best Realtor in CT 2013
Father: Dyslexia and other Learning Differences - holds a 6 figure income job
Mother: NO Dyslexia, but 9 other Learning Differences - has owned 2 businesses and had clients such as the NY Yankees
Biological Sister 1: Dyslexia - Learned to read at 8 & is attending UNH next year
Biological Sister 2: 8 Learning Differences - Amazing artist & in charge of her own education
Biological Brother: Dyslexia and 3 Learning Differences - attends a military high school and is on honor roll
Okay, so you see where I'm going with this, right? Each of us have our own learning difference. Each of us have been successful in our own way, in our own time. WHY is there this rush to get kids to read when they aren't even ready yet?
When I first began homeschooling my then 12 year old, my youngest was 3. I knew I didn't want to send her to school. I was already having to undo the torture school had done to my oldest, Honey Bunny. There she was, 12 years old, saying she'd rather be dead than go to school - and this wasn't drama; this was the real deal threat. We'd had the police involved three times in four years over bullying. The last incident had to do with sexting. Truth be told, she looked like Olive Oil! There was nothing sexual about her, yet she was different than the others at the school: an artist, not a jock. She was a target. So, how was I going to make sure things were different for my toddler?
In the book Einstein Never Used Flashcards-How our Children Really learn and Why they Need to Play More and Memorize Less, by Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, she reviews how we learn language and why play is so important to the synopsis in the brain. I would read it while sitting in the tub every night after putting Boo Bear to bed. I would sink myself down into the bubbles, grab a glass of wine and learn about how the brain worked.
In that book, discovered that the crux of learning has to do with two things: Defining Intelligence and Defining a Sense of Self. Without those two things, what good would it do for Boo Bear to learn her ABC's and the sounds if she didn't understand them or believe she had the ability to understand them.
I was challenged on every level of what I had been taught. I had been taught, by society, that only schools and teachers could teach my child. Only the government could decide what they should learn, and that was valid and the ultimate voice.
I was frightened and asked myself all the time: Can I do this? What if I fail? What if I mess up their lives? What if I end up hating my children?! What if I become one of those mothers who dictate every moment of their children's lives and begin to regret homeschooling? What if I can't decide on curriculum? What if what I chose they hate? What if I hate it?
I was scared. I was really scared. BUT, I knew school was worse. Much worse. The worst that would happen is it would suck. I would hate my moody pre-teen and I could send her back to the wolves who were destroying her. Chances of my doing that were slim to none, but the opportunity was still there. The door wasn't shut. Taking her home to school her didn't mean I couldn't put her back into the system if being home didn't work.
So, now 4 years later - this is what I have learned.
Can I do this?
YES! And I LOVE IT! BUT, only because I discovered Unschooling. Honestly, I hate the name and try to find a way to call it anything but that. Democratic learning. Child led learning. Natural learning. I haven't found a way to say it yet. I'm still working on it. We tried curriculum and it didn't work for us. My teen has severe anxiety and depression and there are days that her just getting up and making it through without self harm is a success. I couldn't have the stress of a curriculum on us. She DID attend an online school which she enjoyed for 1 year. It was all virtual reality (www.wilostar3D.com). But, after a year she was bored. We went back to unschooling.
What if I fail?
Well, so far I haven't. My 7 year old can't read. Yep. You're right. But she asks how to spell EVERYTHING. And she knows lots of SAT words because we do a word a week with her sister and they need to use them in a sentence multiple times during the week. Boo Bear is also amazing at science and deductive reasoning. She can do double digit addition and subtraction in her head. Have I forced it? No. Does she have a workbook? Sure. We bought a Disney Princess one from the Dollar Store. She's used it 3x. She prefers to take out her math cube manipulatives and do math that way.
What if I mess up their lives?
Hasn't happened, yet. LOL We are very good friends. Dayna Martin (thesparklingmartins.blogspot.com) was an inspiration to me along my discovering Unschooling. I loved the books by Sandra Dodd, but when I met her in person she scared me. I ran across Dayna when she did her first ever Life Rocks Unschooling Conference. It changed my life. Dayna wasn't scary. The people we met were real. They were involved in their children's lives. I mean really involved. I love her book, Radical Unschooling - A Revolution Has Begun. Recently, Hubby and I have been drifting apart. I actuality old him that if he died, my life wouldn't change. Now, that's just sad. He's supposed to be my partner, but instead he's become a shadow in the background. I did some soul searching and felt it was because we approach parenting from different angles. I'm peaceful and in partnership. He's authoritative and in conflict. Well, gee - why would I want to be with that? He's fallen back on old habits. I handed him Dayna's book last night, asked him to read it and the lights went on for him. Today was much better. He actually chose to come sit at the pool with us and interact rather than watch the World Cup (big deal to him). I felt very blessed. So far, I haven't messed up their lives. Our lives have been made better because I discovered a better way to parent.
What if I end up hating my children?
Well, when Honey Bunny first came home--I'll be honest. I did. I was afraid of her. She was MEAN. I mean ... MEAN MEAN. I truly disliked her. I cried and cried because I disliked her. Then, I realized it was because she had to be like that at school because she was attacked. She had to "deschool." Four years later, she turns to me for almost everything. She's come to me with 200 slices on her arms and we've faced a psych ward together. She's come to me broken hearted from the boy who took her virginity and I got up at midnight, sat by her while a whole craziness took place on Tumblr and even took her for french fries and a shake at 3am. Does this sound like someone who hates their children and their children hate them? No. We trust one another. We respect one another.
Dictating their lives?
Hell no! I can't think of anything worse! They are in charge of what they want to learn. I introduce ideas. Honey Bunny is in high school. She does Teaching Textbooks. She does coding. She reads what she wants to read and does write ups on it. She write poetry. She draws. She takes photographs. She watches historically correct movies. Boo Bear is big into science and movement. She does math and helps me budget. She loves to be read to. She loves Tumblebooks. She loves Discovery Education and is teaching herself to type. I help facilitate what they want and need.
Curriculum: Hate it? Love it?
We discovered it just doesn't work for us. Honey Bunny and I create her own curriculum. She is getting high school credits through the North Atlantic Regional High School (www.nrhs.org). So we have to have a class description and proof of what she's done so she can get credits for it. That way, she will have a diploma from an accredited place, not just a print out from my computer. It works for us.
So, to wrap up:
My 7 year old can't read. I'm not worried about it and the reason I'm not worried about it is because she has a full life. She goes to the library weekly. She partakes in groups there. She partakes in dance class. She has a true Sense of Self Worth. She has a true Defined Intelligence. Just because she can't decode what the letters say together doesn't mean she is stupid. Take a moment to talk to her about objects in motion or the relation of an object to energy and she will blow your mind away. Just don't ask her to read you a Bob Book. She's not there yet.
Maternal Grandmother: Dyslexia and 9 other Learning Differences. Learned to read at 12 & went to college with a 7th grade education. Graduated Summa Cum Laude from Columbia University with a triple major done in 1 year
Maternal Grandfather: Undiagnosed Learning Difference - but see them readily in him. Voted best Realtor in CT 2013
Father: Dyslexia and other Learning Differences - holds a 6 figure income job
Mother: NO Dyslexia, but 9 other Learning Differences - has owned 2 businesses and had clients such as the NY Yankees
Biological Sister 1: Dyslexia - Learned to read at 8 & is attending UNH next year
Biological Sister 2: 8 Learning Differences - Amazing artist & in charge of her own education
Biological Brother: Dyslexia and 3 Learning Differences - attends a military high school and is on honor roll
Okay, so you see where I'm going with this, right? Each of us have our own learning difference. Each of us have been successful in our own way, in our own time. WHY is there this rush to get kids to read when they aren't even ready yet?
When I first began homeschooling my then 12 year old, my youngest was 3. I knew I didn't want to send her to school. I was already having to undo the torture school had done to my oldest, Honey Bunny. There she was, 12 years old, saying she'd rather be dead than go to school - and this wasn't drama; this was the real deal threat. We'd had the police involved three times in four years over bullying. The last incident had to do with sexting. Truth be told, she looked like Olive Oil! There was nothing sexual about her, yet she was different than the others at the school: an artist, not a jock. She was a target. So, how was I going to make sure things were different for my toddler?
In the book Einstein Never Used Flashcards-How our Children Really learn and Why they Need to Play More and Memorize Less, by Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, she reviews how we learn language and why play is so important to the synopsis in the brain. I would read it while sitting in the tub every night after putting Boo Bear to bed. I would sink myself down into the bubbles, grab a glass of wine and learn about how the brain worked.
In that book, discovered that the crux of learning has to do with two things: Defining Intelligence and Defining a Sense of Self. Without those two things, what good would it do for Boo Bear to learn her ABC's and the sounds if she didn't understand them or believe she had the ability to understand them.
I was challenged on every level of what I had been taught. I had been taught, by society, that only schools and teachers could teach my child. Only the government could decide what they should learn, and that was valid and the ultimate voice.
I was frightened and asked myself all the time: Can I do this? What if I fail? What if I mess up their lives? What if I end up hating my children?! What if I become one of those mothers who dictate every moment of their children's lives and begin to regret homeschooling? What if I can't decide on curriculum? What if what I chose they hate? What if I hate it?
I was scared. I was really scared. BUT, I knew school was worse. Much worse. The worst that would happen is it would suck. I would hate my moody pre-teen and I could send her back to the wolves who were destroying her. Chances of my doing that were slim to none, but the opportunity was still there. The door wasn't shut. Taking her home to school her didn't mean I couldn't put her back into the system if being home didn't work.
So, now 4 years later - this is what I have learned.
Can I do this?
YES! And I LOVE IT! BUT, only because I discovered Unschooling. Honestly, I hate the name and try to find a way to call it anything but that. Democratic learning. Child led learning. Natural learning. I haven't found a way to say it yet. I'm still working on it. We tried curriculum and it didn't work for us. My teen has severe anxiety and depression and there are days that her just getting up and making it through without self harm is a success. I couldn't have the stress of a curriculum on us. She DID attend an online school which she enjoyed for 1 year. It was all virtual reality (www.wilostar3D.com). But, after a year she was bored. We went back to unschooling.
What if I fail?
Well, so far I haven't. My 7 year old can't read. Yep. You're right. But she asks how to spell EVERYTHING. And she knows lots of SAT words because we do a word a week with her sister and they need to use them in a sentence multiple times during the week. Boo Bear is also amazing at science and deductive reasoning. She can do double digit addition and subtraction in her head. Have I forced it? No. Does she have a workbook? Sure. We bought a Disney Princess one from the Dollar Store. She's used it 3x. She prefers to take out her math cube manipulatives and do math that way.
What if I mess up their lives?
Hasn't happened, yet. LOL We are very good friends. Dayna Martin (thesparklingmartins.blogspot.com) was an inspiration to me along my discovering Unschooling. I loved the books by Sandra Dodd, but when I met her in person she scared me. I ran across Dayna when she did her first ever Life Rocks Unschooling Conference. It changed my life. Dayna wasn't scary. The people we met were real. They were involved in their children's lives. I mean really involved. I love her book, Radical Unschooling - A Revolution Has Begun. Recently, Hubby and I have been drifting apart. I actuality old him that if he died, my life wouldn't change. Now, that's just sad. He's supposed to be my partner, but instead he's become a shadow in the background. I did some soul searching and felt it was because we approach parenting from different angles. I'm peaceful and in partnership. He's authoritative and in conflict. Well, gee - why would I want to be with that? He's fallen back on old habits. I handed him Dayna's book last night, asked him to read it and the lights went on for him. Today was much better. He actually chose to come sit at the pool with us and interact rather than watch the World Cup (big deal to him). I felt very blessed. So far, I haven't messed up their lives. Our lives have been made better because I discovered a better way to parent.
What if I end up hating my children?
Well, when Honey Bunny first came home--I'll be honest. I did. I was afraid of her. She was MEAN. I mean ... MEAN MEAN. I truly disliked her. I cried and cried because I disliked her. Then, I realized it was because she had to be like that at school because she was attacked. She had to "deschool." Four years later, she turns to me for almost everything. She's come to me with 200 slices on her arms and we've faced a psych ward together. She's come to me broken hearted from the boy who took her virginity and I got up at midnight, sat by her while a whole craziness took place on Tumblr and even took her for french fries and a shake at 3am. Does this sound like someone who hates their children and their children hate them? No. We trust one another. We respect one another.
Dictating their lives?
Hell no! I can't think of anything worse! They are in charge of what they want to learn. I introduce ideas. Honey Bunny is in high school. She does Teaching Textbooks. She does coding. She reads what she wants to read and does write ups on it. She write poetry. She draws. She takes photographs. She watches historically correct movies. Boo Bear is big into science and movement. She does math and helps me budget. She loves to be read to. She loves Tumblebooks. She loves Discovery Education and is teaching herself to type. I help facilitate what they want and need.
Curriculum: Hate it? Love it?
We discovered it just doesn't work for us. Honey Bunny and I create her own curriculum. She is getting high school credits through the North Atlantic Regional High School (www.nrhs.org). So we have to have a class description and proof of what she's done so she can get credits for it. That way, she will have a diploma from an accredited place, not just a print out from my computer. It works for us.
So, to wrap up:
My 7 year old can't read. I'm not worried about it and the reason I'm not worried about it is because she has a full life. She goes to the library weekly. She partakes in groups there. She partakes in dance class. She has a true Sense of Self Worth. She has a true Defined Intelligence. Just because she can't decode what the letters say together doesn't mean she is stupid. Take a moment to talk to her about objects in motion or the relation of an object to energy and she will blow your mind away. Just don't ask her to read you a Bob Book. She's not there yet.
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