Novel Ideas
I've been asked by many people to blog about our Unschooling experiences. To me, this is an unusual thing to do. I mean, we just live our life - learning along the way. That's not to say I don't plan things out. Oh, I do. It's just that life takes it's own course along the way, daily (if not hourly).
First off, I have two children ages 16 and 7. They are both girls. The oldest, Honey Bunny, suffers from severe PTSD from a trauma in her childhood. She also suffers from severe social anxiety created by public school from ages 3 - 12 (preschool included). The other, Boo Bear, has high anxiety due to too many changes when she was young within our family structure and moving 10x in 8 years. So, to say I have my hands full is an understatement.
We chose to unschool because it meets our needs with their needs. There are days we get tons of work done and then there are days where we get nothing done but getting through the day and that in and of itself is a huge accomplishment.
Before we began this journey down the road of unschooling, I did a lot of research. Honey Bunny was 12 and we pulled her out of school in October of that year due to severe bullying and wanting a better life for her. I bought her a curriculum and that "worked" for about a day. Yeah, you read that right: a day. Her comment to me was: "If I wanted this, I could have stayed in school." That began our journey into unschooling.
I ran across Sandra Dodd's website. I even met her. Loved her site. Loved her book. Didn't like her as a person. That's okay. Not a big deal. To me, she is too radical in her views. We are each allowed an opinion and like belly buttons, we all have one, therefore I am not impressed when someone's opinion isn't the same as mine. BUT, what she did do for me is open my eyes to the world of John Holt: the man who originated the idea of unschooling.
To clarify, unschooling is NOT unparenting. It is NOT allowing your kid to do anything, at any time, without any guidance. It is NOT about allowing them free access to the road with the trucks which wiz by at 80 miles per hour at age 2 without proper safety measures in place to protect them. I have met some parents who take unschooling into the unparenting realm. To me, that isn't what it's about.
First of all, HOW is a child going to learn how to be a loving and caring adult if you are not loving and caring? Truthfully, sometimes you have to say no when you are loving and caring. No, Little Johnny, you may not go out in the street and play with the big tractor trailers going 80 miles per hour. Yeah, that's loving your child.
What unschooling IS is this:
1) Respecting your child. Ask yourself this question: Would I treat my spouse/my peer like this? Would I speak to my peer in the same voice I speak to my child? Would I expect my peer to drop everything they are doing the moment I say we have to go (if it's not an emergency)? No. I would go to my peer and talk to them respectfully, explain when we need to go and ask how to best help them accomplish their goal before we leave (in this example). Well, then treat your child like that!
Treating your child as your peer in NO WAY undermines your authority as the parent!!! Novel concept, I know. Can you imagine this: a two way street of respect from child to parent?! Wow! Now, this doesn't happen overnight if you've always had an authoritarian position over your child. It will take time for the both of you to trust one another. But, it does come. I promise you that. It comes with apologizing. It comes when you are both allowed to say things like: "Your tone of voice is really hurting me." At this point, all either of us has to say is: "Tone" and we know we've stepped over the line. I'm not upset when my kids say this to me. It shows they love me and respect me enough to let me know when I've stepped over the line. Yeah, you read that right...I'm human. I stepped over the line and disrespected them. It does happen.
2) Allowing them to explore. Again, another novel concept. Allowing your child to take the task of education into their hands. What can a 5 year old know about learning you ask? What DOESN'T a 5 year know about learning?! They probably know more about learning than you do because they don't know they shouldn't ask questions!!!! They haven't learned yet that asking questions is an imposition on others. They haven't learned yet that asking questions makes others uncomfortable because that person may not know the answer and doesn't want to be embarrassed. You see, at 5 they are curious about the world. They want to know everything. Let them learn!!!
Boo Bear, who is now 7, has never experienced what it's like NOT to get an answer to a question. Does that mean I know it all? Heck no! It does mean I am willing to look it up on the spot (or when we get home depending on how much data I have left on my phone at that moment). Imagine taking a walk with your child and like any child they pick up something off the ground that interests them (that your adult eye didn't see). Then, while they are asking questions as they always do, imagine stopping with them, getting eye to eye with them and looking up their questions on the spot. Stop your walk. LISTEN to them. Imagine the bonding. The trust. The love. The acceptance. Imagine what that could do for your relationship.
Oh wait, you have a teen you say? How would that work? Well, imagine your teen coming to you at 11pm and asking you to stay up so you can talk. Imagine your teen WANTING to be with you because YOU respect THEM. Imagine your teen coming to you because they know you will listen, not judge (as much as possible) and respect your opinion because you respect theirs. It IS possible! Imagine your teen being inspired to learn because they aren't learning boring crap but stuff they are interested in and trust me, they WILL learn the boring crap if it has meaning to them to get them to where they want to be. It's about THEM, NOT YOU.
3) Learning. Yes, unschooling is about learning. It's about taking the blinders off of what is supposed to be learned and actually learning. Honey Bunny wants to be a tattoo artist (this week). Ok. So with that in mind, she is exploring different art genres and practicing them. She is working on proportion and shading. She is working on mathematical theory which allows her to do balanced work. She is working on history because she has to learn about how tattooing came to be in different cultures and what it represents so she can better understand a client. She has to learn about how to budget so she can afford classes. She has to read about how tattoos impact people's views of others.
EVERY SUBJECT YOUR CHILD IS INTERESTED IN CAN COVER ALL AREAS OF EDUCATION. How's that for a novel idea?
So, what does our typical day look like? That's funny. I rise about 7:00 - 8:00, depending on the dog. I feed her and let her out. I have a cup of coffee and I sit down and do Facebook and blog. :) It's MY time. I water my garden if it hasn't rained. I balance out the pool chemicals (if it DID rain). I think about the day ahead and what's going on and try to plan how to back into things.
Boo Bear wakes up naturally any time between 7-10am depending on what time she went to sleep. Yes, she and I co-sleep because hubby wakes up at 5:30 and that is too early for me! When Boo Bear wakes up, we cuddle and she watches tv for about an hour. She's a slow waker. Boo Bear does NOT do well with a schedule and bucks when she has one. I'm talking full blown melt downs and anxiety up the wall. She is a free flowing child if there ever was one.
I wake up Honey Bunny at 9am because she is a teen and would sleep all day if I do. She has to be downstairs by 9:30 for breakfast and medications. Keeping her on schedule is important. Honey Bunny thrives on routine and schedule. By 10, her school day starts. She is in high school and I get her courses approved by the North Atlantic Regional High School (NARHS.org) so she does have to do time and have it written up. She starts her day with math (least favorite) and coding (big time favorite). She's done with those by 11. Then she usually reads her book and writes up answers to questions I've come up with. From there, it's usually art out by the pool so she can work on her techniques and get some vitamin D. After that, she's free to do whatever. Sometimes that's knitting, sometimes that's youth group, sometimes that's just chatting with her best friend.
Boo Bear, on the other hand, is a free spirit. After tv time we do breakfast of some sort. Then it's off to bounce on the yoga ball and usually she creates her own math equations and writes them down as she does them. Last week it was creating a number line around the pool and she would hop to and from numbers as she added and subtracted them and jumped in the pool at her answer. Usually I read her a story while she's swimming in the pool about a living history moment (she loves the American Girl Doll books). Then it's lunch and we do some drawing. From there, maybe it's free play or it's science. She loves science. Maybe it's measuring our garden plants or watching a documentary on Discovery Education with a follow up of questions and exploration.
Somewhere in there I throw together dinner with them, we talk, we hang out and we live. Dad comes home and we sit down to dinner and talk about our day- our favorite part, our worst part, what we would have changed if we could and what outcome that would have. We talk about what we did that day, what we learned and what we want to do that night. Sometimes it's movies, sometimes it's just alone time.
That's our typical day. We do this year round. Sometimes, we do nothing but errands all day. Sometimes there are flashbacks and therapy sessions. Sometimes, days go perfect and sometimes quite frankly they are shot to shit.
Every Sunday, I sit down and plan out the week on Scholaric.com My teen usually finishes it all. My younger one? Nope. We end up going in different directions every week, but it makes ME feel good to have a starting point to go from with some sort of structure concept. For example, I use the concepts from KONOS and this week (and last) we were supposed to be working on Illusion vs. Deception. Well, that hasn't worked out. We are listening to the 1st Harry Potter book on CD, except I left the CD we are listening to in my mini-van and that had to go into the shop. We've watched the movie. She is comparing the two verbally, when we have the CD. She's learned spells and Latin along the way and looked up illusional art. We've had discussions about the difference between illusion and deception and in her words: "It's the intent of the person doing or saying it." In other words, "if the person is intending to do harm, then it is deception if they are intending to do good (Pen and Teller, the cool chalk guy who does those awesome drawings) then it's illusion." She has the concept. But I feel like I've failed because we haven't cracked open a single book we got out of the library and I'm hoping I get them back on time, don't misplace them and have to pay a fine. LOL Do I feel we've covered the subject? Not really. Maybe I'll pull it into next week and tie it into history or maybe she'll have no interest next week. I don't know yet. It's only Friday. I have 48 more hours to figure that out.
I just know if I don't have some sort of plan, it's a free for all of bumbler*ck that entire week.
To wrap up, unschooling to me is about respecting one another, living our life true to who we are, and making sure we learn along the way. Perfect? Nope. Able to check off we did A, B, C in order? Probably not. But that's ok. I know when I look back over everything we've done (I log it during the day) I feel confident we've accomplished a lot.
First off, I have two children ages 16 and 7. They are both girls. The oldest, Honey Bunny, suffers from severe PTSD from a trauma in her childhood. She also suffers from severe social anxiety created by public school from ages 3 - 12 (preschool included). The other, Boo Bear, has high anxiety due to too many changes when she was young within our family structure and moving 10x in 8 years. So, to say I have my hands full is an understatement.
We chose to unschool because it meets our needs with their needs. There are days we get tons of work done and then there are days where we get nothing done but getting through the day and that in and of itself is a huge accomplishment.
Before we began this journey down the road of unschooling, I did a lot of research. Honey Bunny was 12 and we pulled her out of school in October of that year due to severe bullying and wanting a better life for her. I bought her a curriculum and that "worked" for about a day. Yeah, you read that right: a day. Her comment to me was: "If I wanted this, I could have stayed in school." That began our journey into unschooling.
I ran across Sandra Dodd's website. I even met her. Loved her site. Loved her book. Didn't like her as a person. That's okay. Not a big deal. To me, she is too radical in her views. We are each allowed an opinion and like belly buttons, we all have one, therefore I am not impressed when someone's opinion isn't the same as mine. BUT, what she did do for me is open my eyes to the world of John Holt: the man who originated the idea of unschooling.
To clarify, unschooling is NOT unparenting. It is NOT allowing your kid to do anything, at any time, without any guidance. It is NOT about allowing them free access to the road with the trucks which wiz by at 80 miles per hour at age 2 without proper safety measures in place to protect them. I have met some parents who take unschooling into the unparenting realm. To me, that isn't what it's about.
First of all, HOW is a child going to learn how to be a loving and caring adult if you are not loving and caring? Truthfully, sometimes you have to say no when you are loving and caring. No, Little Johnny, you may not go out in the street and play with the big tractor trailers going 80 miles per hour. Yeah, that's loving your child.
What unschooling IS is this:
1) Respecting your child. Ask yourself this question: Would I treat my spouse/my peer like this? Would I speak to my peer in the same voice I speak to my child? Would I expect my peer to drop everything they are doing the moment I say we have to go (if it's not an emergency)? No. I would go to my peer and talk to them respectfully, explain when we need to go and ask how to best help them accomplish their goal before we leave (in this example). Well, then treat your child like that!
Treating your child as your peer in NO WAY undermines your authority as the parent!!! Novel concept, I know. Can you imagine this: a two way street of respect from child to parent?! Wow! Now, this doesn't happen overnight if you've always had an authoritarian position over your child. It will take time for the both of you to trust one another. But, it does come. I promise you that. It comes with apologizing. It comes when you are both allowed to say things like: "Your tone of voice is really hurting me." At this point, all either of us has to say is: "Tone" and we know we've stepped over the line. I'm not upset when my kids say this to me. It shows they love me and respect me enough to let me know when I've stepped over the line. Yeah, you read that right...I'm human. I stepped over the line and disrespected them. It does happen.
2) Allowing them to explore. Again, another novel concept. Allowing your child to take the task of education into their hands. What can a 5 year old know about learning you ask? What DOESN'T a 5 year know about learning?! They probably know more about learning than you do because they don't know they shouldn't ask questions!!!! They haven't learned yet that asking questions is an imposition on others. They haven't learned yet that asking questions makes others uncomfortable because that person may not know the answer and doesn't want to be embarrassed. You see, at 5 they are curious about the world. They want to know everything. Let them learn!!!
Boo Bear, who is now 7, has never experienced what it's like NOT to get an answer to a question. Does that mean I know it all? Heck no! It does mean I am willing to look it up on the spot (or when we get home depending on how much data I have left on my phone at that moment). Imagine taking a walk with your child and like any child they pick up something off the ground that interests them (that your adult eye didn't see). Then, while they are asking questions as they always do, imagine stopping with them, getting eye to eye with them and looking up their questions on the spot. Stop your walk. LISTEN to them. Imagine the bonding. The trust. The love. The acceptance. Imagine what that could do for your relationship.
Oh wait, you have a teen you say? How would that work? Well, imagine your teen coming to you at 11pm and asking you to stay up so you can talk. Imagine your teen WANTING to be with you because YOU respect THEM. Imagine your teen coming to you because they know you will listen, not judge (as much as possible) and respect your opinion because you respect theirs. It IS possible! Imagine your teen being inspired to learn because they aren't learning boring crap but stuff they are interested in and trust me, they WILL learn the boring crap if it has meaning to them to get them to where they want to be. It's about THEM, NOT YOU.
3) Learning. Yes, unschooling is about learning. It's about taking the blinders off of what is supposed to be learned and actually learning. Honey Bunny wants to be a tattoo artist (this week). Ok. So with that in mind, she is exploring different art genres and practicing them. She is working on proportion and shading. She is working on mathematical theory which allows her to do balanced work. She is working on history because she has to learn about how tattooing came to be in different cultures and what it represents so she can better understand a client. She has to learn about how to budget so she can afford classes. She has to read about how tattoos impact people's views of others.
EVERY SUBJECT YOUR CHILD IS INTERESTED IN CAN COVER ALL AREAS OF EDUCATION. How's that for a novel idea?
So, what does our typical day look like? That's funny. I rise about 7:00 - 8:00, depending on the dog. I feed her and let her out. I have a cup of coffee and I sit down and do Facebook and blog. :) It's MY time. I water my garden if it hasn't rained. I balance out the pool chemicals (if it DID rain). I think about the day ahead and what's going on and try to plan how to back into things.
Boo Bear wakes up naturally any time between 7-10am depending on what time she went to sleep. Yes, she and I co-sleep because hubby wakes up at 5:30 and that is too early for me! When Boo Bear wakes up, we cuddle and she watches tv for about an hour. She's a slow waker. Boo Bear does NOT do well with a schedule and bucks when she has one. I'm talking full blown melt downs and anxiety up the wall. She is a free flowing child if there ever was one.
I wake up Honey Bunny at 9am because she is a teen and would sleep all day if I do. She has to be downstairs by 9:30 for breakfast and medications. Keeping her on schedule is important. Honey Bunny thrives on routine and schedule. By 10, her school day starts. She is in high school and I get her courses approved by the North Atlantic Regional High School (NARHS.org) so she does have to do time and have it written up. She starts her day with math (least favorite) and coding (big time favorite). She's done with those by 11. Then she usually reads her book and writes up answers to questions I've come up with. From there, it's usually art out by the pool so she can work on her techniques and get some vitamin D. After that, she's free to do whatever. Sometimes that's knitting, sometimes that's youth group, sometimes that's just chatting with her best friend.
Boo Bear, on the other hand, is a free spirit. After tv time we do breakfast of some sort. Then it's off to bounce on the yoga ball and usually she creates her own math equations and writes them down as she does them. Last week it was creating a number line around the pool and she would hop to and from numbers as she added and subtracted them and jumped in the pool at her answer. Usually I read her a story while she's swimming in the pool about a living history moment (she loves the American Girl Doll books). Then it's lunch and we do some drawing. From there, maybe it's free play or it's science. She loves science. Maybe it's measuring our garden plants or watching a documentary on Discovery Education with a follow up of questions and exploration.
Somewhere in there I throw together dinner with them, we talk, we hang out and we live. Dad comes home and we sit down to dinner and talk about our day- our favorite part, our worst part, what we would have changed if we could and what outcome that would have. We talk about what we did that day, what we learned and what we want to do that night. Sometimes it's movies, sometimes it's just alone time.
That's our typical day. We do this year round. Sometimes, we do nothing but errands all day. Sometimes there are flashbacks and therapy sessions. Sometimes, days go perfect and sometimes quite frankly they are shot to shit.
Every Sunday, I sit down and plan out the week on Scholaric.com My teen usually finishes it all. My younger one? Nope. We end up going in different directions every week, but it makes ME feel good to have a starting point to go from with some sort of structure concept. For example, I use the concepts from KONOS and this week (and last) we were supposed to be working on Illusion vs. Deception. Well, that hasn't worked out. We are listening to the 1st Harry Potter book on CD, except I left the CD we are listening to in my mini-van and that had to go into the shop. We've watched the movie. She is comparing the two verbally, when we have the CD. She's learned spells and Latin along the way and looked up illusional art. We've had discussions about the difference between illusion and deception and in her words: "It's the intent of the person doing or saying it." In other words, "if the person is intending to do harm, then it is deception if they are intending to do good (Pen and Teller, the cool chalk guy who does those awesome drawings) then it's illusion." She has the concept. But I feel like I've failed because we haven't cracked open a single book we got out of the library and I'm hoping I get them back on time, don't misplace them and have to pay a fine. LOL Do I feel we've covered the subject? Not really. Maybe I'll pull it into next week and tie it into history or maybe she'll have no interest next week. I don't know yet. It's only Friday. I have 48 more hours to figure that out.
I just know if I don't have some sort of plan, it's a free for all of bumbler*ck that entire week.
To wrap up, unschooling to me is about respecting one another, living our life true to who we are, and making sure we learn along the way. Perfect? Nope. Able to check off we did A, B, C in order? Probably not. But that's ok. I know when I look back over everything we've done (I log it during the day) I feel confident we've accomplished a lot.
Comments
Post a Comment